Starting a blog

Well, that does it. After reading another excellent installment of Ruth's blog, I can no longer resist the urge to write one of my own, though I know it could never stand up in comparison.

I am driven by a desire to write, something that I miss very much, to the point that I've stopped missing it...and that bothers me, because it has always been one of my favorite endeavors. I feel like there is a poet inside of me, constantly scribbling a stream of consciousness in my own mind, but never sharing it with the world, though I have no idea why I wish to. More so, I am driven by a desire to stay connected with my family and friends, who I appreciate now, more than ever. This California experience has impacted me in many ways and after every weekend I promise to start a journal the next week and share my exciting adventures with my friends back home. Partially to share my joy and partially to make them a bit jealous!

But I never have, for a couple of reasons. I never have the time. That's what I tell myself anyway. The truth is that I never want to give the effort. And if I manage to get past that I run into my ego. I've spent so much time creating facades of myself for other people I'm afraid they might see the real me. I can't be sensitive if some of my female friends find out how vulgar I am. I can't be tough, no matter how many hours I spend in the weightroom, if my buddies find out how ...well... wussy I am. And I shudder to think what my parents would think if they knew the real me instead of image I try to create for them. But I've come to realize, that might not be all bad. I've a sneaking suspicion that their facade might not be all that it seems either, and a true friend probably sees past my outer shell pretty easily anyway.

So I will try to keep updating this, and hoping that someone gives a rat's behind. I suspect that my success at keeping this updated will share its fate with my efforts to work out at the health club regularly. Fortunately for me, as the investment commercials keep telling me, past results are not a guarantee of future returns. See you in a few days!