I blame it on the guidance counselor

I'm trying to figure out how to write this without sounding like a pity party for me. At the same time, I can't deny that things have been rocky in my career. What does it say about a person when they regularly clean out their desk in case they have to pack up on short notice? I laugh when I read articles about how young workers have no loyalty. Show me a company that treats their employees like people and I'll show you loyalty. I've cleaned my desk out 6 times now, in 8 years.

I blame the economy. I blame stupid coworkers or bosses. I blame corporate greed and indifference. Anyone but me. Mostly, I think I blame my high school guidance counselor.

Coming out of high school I applied to one college. Just one. (That I probably wasn't qualified for.) Luckily they were looking for a few good tuba players and I got a foot in the door. I didn't know what to do with college. I remember on h.s. graduation day my parents saying they didn't think I was mature enough, and wanted me to work for a while or joing the military. I was petrified. My whole life I expected to go to college. My grandparents had saved for me and I didn't know what else to do. It was a very scary graduation.

But they did let me go to college, where I promptly bombed. I wish I appreciated then how much I appreciate the sacrifices all my grandparents made for me to have that opportunity. Sorry Grandma. Now, it wasn't the guidance counselor's fault I bombed obviously, but I had no idea what it would take for me to succeed in life. Maybe that's lack of maturity, but it's not what I thought my parents were saying. I genuinely believed, even in college, that I could get into a quality PhD program with mediocre grades, and that I could do whatever I wanted. How naive is that?

But all through my life I've been oblivious as to what it would actually take to succeed. What does it take to get into a good college? Why is a good college necessary? What do I need to do to pursue X career? It's not just me either. Kat has been in school 10 years and she's still trying to find someone to give her an honest opinion about what is required to pursue different options. I'd like to think now that I have a plan and that I know where I'm going, but only time will tell.

Lately, I've been aggressively pursuing a track of "Integrated Marketing Communications" which is supposed to mean that I coordinate all the PR, Sales Promotion, Advertising, etc for a company and make it work together. What it really means is that I take my "jack of all trades" background and use it to my advantage. As such, I've embraced opportunities like the Marketing Research rotation that just ended yesterday, in order to round out my experience.

When I took the job six months ago, I said very confidently that even if I didn't get hired on, I wouldn't regret taking the opportunity. I still stand by that. At the time, I thought it was almost a sure thing that they'd want to keep me. What I didn't anticipate was that the whole company, from the CEO on down to the Senior VPs, VPs and Directors would go through a massive shakeup. It is a weird situation where my boss wants to hire me, but can't. Furthermore, my old job is now gone, and though I have a "position" (which means I have a salary but no responsibilities), the department I'm returning to is dissolving within days of my return. I don't know if they'll force me to take a job I don't like (or quit), lay me off, give me a job I can live with, or if I'll get a job in another department.

I've known about all of this for months. And all along I think I've held a pretty cool poker face about the whole thing, in public and private. But last night driving home and realizing that what once seemed like a long time away was finally here. I panicked a little bit and got depressed. (It's so nice to have a loving wife to go home to.) I've never considered myself an emotionally closed person, but lately I only seem to react to things in brief moments of intense emotion.

At the same time I'm incredibly excited about the prospects for my employment. For the first time since I've lived here, it appears companies are actually hiring, though I don't know how much competition there is for those jobs. I'll have my Master's degree in a few months. And there are also opportunities within PG&E, with 3 jobs in communications and PR. When I took the job in marketing research, I cognizantly wanted to move to the communications department when I was done. The only "weak" area on my resume - in terms of having a well rounded exposure to all areas of marketing - is PR. If I could get that, I would be able to go to an employer and say that I've successfully planned and executed every single area of marketing as a professional. Very few people can say that.

But do employers care? The only problem with my strategy of getting a well rounded exposure is that I've always been towards the bottom on the totem pole, because I'm always the new guy. Can I go straight from there to leading a department or company? There's no doubt I'm ready, but convincing somebody of that is a different matter.

Looking at the jobs out there, as well as some in PG&E, it's hard not to get excited about the salary prospects as well. All of the jobs I've been considering would allow us, for the first time since we've been married, to live on my salary, meaning we could have kids even if we stayed in California. But being qualified and being competitive aren't the same thing. And I haven't gotten any replies yet. If only there were a guidance counselor to tell me if my strategy is the right one.