Romantic weekend, blah, blah, blah

We had a great weekend. Romantic B&B cottage on seaside cliff. Nice dinner. Horseback riding. Whatever. You can read about it at Kat's blog. . I won't bother giving you a he said/she said of the weekend. It was great, but also an indication of why we're doomed. Me and Kat that is. See, we always have wanted to do something like this. Every year, a few times a year we say "Man I wish I could go to Hawaii" or some other exotic destination. And we'd scrape under the couch cushions to find enough money to do it, but in the end, despite our best efforts, we just couldn't afford it.

This year we freed up a little money on the credit cards, and of course, we put some right back on. Will I ever learn? It's not that we just think "Woohooo! Free money!" But I suppose I need to learn a measure of self-control. In our defense, despite having some very nice possessions, Kat and I have been pretty good over the last couple of years. Painfully so at times. It's been about 4 years since our last "real" vacation, meaning a full week without a family event involved. And only once, a couple of years ago, did we do anything even approaching this last weekend in terms of pampering ourselves (I got Kat a massage and nice dinner and we stayed at a horrible cabin in Napa.)

As much as I like expensive toys, as Kat can attest, my real weakness is Kat herself. She has such a stressful job, and to a certain extent a stressed personality (I think most successful people are like that to some degree). I just can't stand seeing her unhappy, so I try to do things to pick her up. I guess I'm just going to have to make enough money to pamper her a little better!

Anyway, my grumbling aside, it really was a special weekend that we'll remember for years to come. Hopefully, it won't be that long before we do it again. Or maybe I hope it will be, depending on whether I want to be pampered or whether I want to be out of debt.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. I've managed to get Kat most of the way through a PhD, and weathered a bad economy and some tough stretches finding a job. It will likely be easier when we're both earning money, though I fear not quite as much as I would like.

I think that's what makes right now such a dangerous time. We're so caught up in wanting to have more money that we might make a bad decision at a critical time. Right now, Kat is trying to decide what she wants to do for a living. She could make a lot of money. No really, a LOT of money. I could have made a lot of money too by going into IT and working crazy hours. I had a buddy that has done that, but I don't think I'm willing to make the sacrifices he did.

But Kat could make a lot more money. I guess that's the reward you get for being an overachiever your whole life. And we've talked about it a lot. If she were to be a teacher, we'd both make a decent living, and we'd be better off than most people. But there would still be difficult decisions, and a long, slow climb to financial security.

On the other hand, if she were to be a patent lawyer, there would be a very fast climb to having pretty much everything we've always wanted. Financial security. A nice house. Money for travelling and hobbies. Except one thing. Each other and our family.

I find myself talking about it a lot. What if? How many hours? How much time for family? Can it be done? But in reality, I know it's not going to happen. Kat is an ambitious person, but she loves her family. She's going to want to be a mom first. I love that about her. Second, it's not fair for me to ask her to be the breadwinner for the family because I wasn't successful enough to do it for us. Third, she loves teaching, and she's really good at it.

But I still like to talk about it. It's almost like I'm trying to prove something. We COULD be rich if we wanted to be, but we choose not to be. So there Mr. BMW driver. You're no better than me.

But I'm no better either. If I step back and get out of my own little world, I realize that people make this decision all the time. Family over career. If it was easy to have it all, it would be done all the time. And like a lot of people, I'll choose family, and be happy that I did. I don't suppose it's a coincidence that all the people I trust and look up to chose family too.