Just one egret?

"Katherine, love?" I said as we walked along the shops in the cool air on the eve of my 34th birthday.

"Yes dear," she teased back as though an old couple exchanging pet greetings.

"Do you like our life?"

"Of course I do," she said, "we've made it."

And it's so true. Sometimes it seems that life's wind blows us where it wants to, but other times the sheer force of our choices is staggering. I suppose I always thought I'd choose my career and how much money I made, but now that it's upon us I'm surprised by it. I guess I always thought I made that decision when I picked a college major, but in reality it was just the beginning.

Other decisions didn't seem like decisions at all at the time. The decision to get mediocre grades in high school and college, which of course was really the decision to watch TV or some such activity. One of the hard things about following your wife to one of the top schools in the world is you get the chance to compare yourself to the best and brightest...and realise there's not a whole lot separating you from them. Seeing them apply for jobs that intimidate you, it brings into focus the consequences of those decisions.

It's easy to blame this on others. Hell, I only applied to one single college. One. Who does that? I picked my career seemingly by throwing darts at a college catalog while blindfolded, and switching over and over until one stuck. But I know in the end I can only look at me. (Though it worked out okay. I like what I do, and it allows me to like it while actually making some money. Ironically my majors are in reverse order of my interests. My first considerations, music and photography, are now my primary hobbies, and I wish I could make a living at them. Science still ingrigues me, thought intimidates me as well.)

And maybe it's not too late. I don't have the pedigree'd MBA, or the glowing references of how I was a shooting star employee, or even a single promotion within a company. (Okay, kinda depressing when you look at it like that.) But I also have always gotten good job reviews, and have shown (if I do say so myself) remarkable results when focused. I mean, I became one of those people in grad school that genuinely complains about A minuses. I hate people like that:-)

I also have had some genuine road blocks in my career. If I get back on the right job track then maybe my abilities will eventually overcome my lack of pedigree, and I'll build those glowing references. I hope so. It's been encouraging that employers that have shown interest in me genuinely seem to be interested in my skills for positions that are far higher than my current one, and for far more money as well. Just getting these interviews has already helped lift some of that frustration.

But even without a star career, I have a good life. I have a wonderful wife, and hopefully soon we'll have a family. I have so far managed to provide us with a home, food and clothing, with Katherine's help of course. Perhaps in a few years after our children have grown some, Katherine might be making a significant income as well and we might even attain a level of comfort we've been hoping for. It's so tempting when you can't afford a vacation or a homee, to want that aggressive, high-paying career. Katherine can certainly make a lot of money if she wants to, but at what cost?

I may regret not taking my career more seriously before now, but I don't regret NOT pursuing an aggressive career travelling and working 70 or more hours a week like some of my friends have done. I like my work, but I also like my time away from work with my wife and my hobbies. I wouldn't want to trade living my life for a big paycheck and the things it can buy. As much as I'd like to retire early, I'd rather enjoy balance now than work away what remains of my youth so I can have all my free time in old age.

In short, I don't want that for Katherine either. If she wants an ambitious career because she finds it fulfilling, then I want it for her too, but for no other reason. Still, standing at this intersection of paths, it's hard to know which one brings happiness. Our decisions really do make a difference, and we're making this one now. I know one thing for sure. There's no wrong decision as long as we walk the path together. No regrets.