Moviegoing mayhem

I got "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" extended version DVD for Christmas. First, let me say for those of you who enjoyed the movie and/or book, this is by far the superior version of the film. Sometimes Director's Cuts are just filled with fluff, but nearly every scene or line that was cut added something significant to the film, particularly the understanding of the characters and their motivations. Most of it was not so significant for the first movie, but becomes more important for the other movies. For instance, in one scene Sam (Frodo's companion) complains that he simply cannot sleep out on the hard ground in their first night out, but little do they know that they have 2 more years of sleeping on harder ground than that. Little things, but I think it adds a lot to the movie.

Anyway, back to my story. In the DVD, there was a voucher for a free ticket to "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." So Kat and I went. We picked out some good, but not perfect seats and settled in. Midway through the previews, our posh spots started filling in, and we became cramped. A petite lady came and sat next to me, and I thought, "Well, I'll have to give up the arm rest and lean on Kat, but it could be worse."

It got worse.

The nice lady moved over and made room for a rather large teenager that can only be described as an oaf. I'm sure this was payback for all the times I was stuck in a tiny airline seat and cramping the personal space of some poor soul, but it still sucked. And it wasn't just that he was big. Several times I found his elbow, not only on the armrest, but in my lap! And his knee was often times halfway across my seat! After several not-so-subtle attempts to reclaim my space, he would finally take the hint, but within 5 minutes would forget and be all over me.

After quite a while of this, I noticed that the people who had left the movie to go to the bathroom, had never come back, more than an hour later. So I decided to escape the molestation and sit in an empty seat. Then one of the kids that had been there came back, only without his mom and with two previously unseen kids. One of them stood in the aisle while the other two sat next to me. Sat is a subjective word, because when the weren't talking, the tiny kid (probably 8 years old and 40 pounds) was rocking back and forth in his seat like he was trying to set a world rocking record. I remember when Stephen used to rock himself to sleep on that creaky bed, so I can take quite a bit, but this was psycho. Then they kept coming in and out of the theatre (I think they were sampling other movies) and every time, talking and rocking. One time they talked so loud and so much, that quite a few people were looking at them. My wife, clearly annoyed, made the shush signal with her finger over her lips to them. One of them shot back "Shush" in a blatantly mocking and totally unabashed voice. I shot him a dirty look and they left for a few minutes.

Of course, the highlight of all of this was the near fight with the guy in front of me. I was getting quite cramped, and my legs were sore from playing basketball. Plus there was so little legroom, that if I crossed my legs, I could almost not get them uncrossed. In all of this I accidentally kicked the seat in front of me a couple of times. I don't know how many times, I didn't realize I was doing it, and it wasn't hard, but I'm sure it was annoying. People were kicking the back of my seat and it's distracting, so I understand him wanting to say something to me. But you would expect a normal person to turn around and say, "Please stop kicking my seat" or something to that effect. Instead I got:

*&%$#@! if you don't stop kicking my &%*$#@ seat I'm going to come back there and &%*$#@ your &%*$#@ neck.

I'm sorry (in a pleasant and apologetic voice)

&%*$#@ I mean it, you &%*$#@ better ....

(me, firmly but still politely) I said I was sorry.

He stared at me for a couple of seconds and turned around with a huff.

I couldn't believe it, I was red in the face but didn't know what to do. As the kids beside me acted up, I honestly wanted to leave. I wasn't enjoying the movie, and I certainly wasn't getting the detail out of it that I was hoping for. I stuck it out though. The mother of the kids next to me returned with 5 minutes left in the movie. I wanted to say something, but bit my tongue after so much confrontation in a short evening.

As we filed out, I glanced at the guy who had been so rude. He was looking at me. After a while I realized he was staring at me hard enough to burn a hole with his gaze. I had been thinking of ways to tell him off for half the movie, wanting to ask him if anyone ever taught him politeness or manners, and that his verbal assault was totally unnecessary. I wanted so badly to put him in his place. At the same time, I'm not a confrontational person, and I hate fighting. But as his stared continued, I finally had it.

"What are you staring at?"

He looked at me as if I was an insolent and rebellious little kid. How dare I challenge him!

"What?!"

"What are you staring at?" I repeated.

He turned to me, face to face and looked as though he would let loose any minute.

Traffic in the aisle had come to a halt and people were clearly annoyed. Still he just stared me down.

"Go on, get going," I said, as if unaware of his challenge to me now.

His date touched his shoulder and he turned and walked away.

Katherine and I headed to the car, and she was supportive, but when pressed she admitted that she wished I had not challenged him. She's probably right. What good did it do? I'm still here, still irked about the whole ordeal. I've gained no respect or stature. I'll never see him again, and if I did, it would only prove to be trouble. It's hard to remain meek sometimes. Too long I remained meek in High School, only to get picked on, and it never ended until I stood up for myself. If only I'd have done it sooner, how much different would my childhood have been? It's hard to let go of that.

At least I've been given an opportunity to learn from my mistakes the easy way, instead of with a broken nose or worse. Still, why should I have to put up with this? This is why we don't like doing things around our house. Why should I have to worry about my safety just to go to a movie? Sometimes I miss the midwest.