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alkdfaodoviu. apu erlknaspv9j. I'm hoping that if I just start typing something meaningful will come out. a;l09c fp0osdj;laksdf. Hmmm. Not working. Writers always say that if you just start typing, the rythm will get you going. It's worked for me before. Not that I'm a writer. To be a writer you'd have to...you know...write. And probably read. I'm thinking Outdoor Photographer doesn't count.

I used to think of myself as a writer. I used to be quite creative. I was really a "different" thinker, almost to the point of being abnormal. But it made me creative. I think college beat it out of me. I learned how to use the left side of my brain and forgot how to connect with the right side. It's rare anymore that I find these truly unconnected and original thoughts. Everything has a purpose now instead of just writing from inspiration.

I wrote a song the other day and was so proud of myself for just writing again. I just had this idea for why music affects certain people a certain way and it became a song. So I guess it's not completely gone. Perhaps it's just that there are so rarely those moments alone where my thoughts wander endlessly. One of the side effects of being happily married, at least for me, is that there's very little idle time alone. Those quiet moments alone where the mind gets bored and starts to wander are the most creative for me.

The other side effect is that misery is a powerful muse. How many people write songs about getting married and having kids? Most people would put that among the happiest and most powerful moments in life, but there are so few songs about it. How many artists are manic depressive or just constantly depressed? Happiness isn't as conducive to creativity.

I suppose the last part is that I'm scared. I'm scared I'll put myself out there and not measure up. I so much want to be the best, at anything I do. If I just spew out some random string of thoughts, it's clear to anyone that I'm not trying to be serious. But if I really put effort into poetic prose and it's not good...well, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

And I know that I'm not that good, even if at one point I was ahead of the curve. It's not that I don't have potential, but I'm so cliche in my writing. I think that inside me is the ability to string together orginal sentences, but when things start flowing, it just comes out pre-packaged. Follow along:

The path _______ it's way into the hills. Answer - Wound
When I saw Katherine, my heart _______. Answer - Leapt
I _____ my eyes upon her. Answer - Cast
Her soft fingers _________ my shoulders. Answer - Caressed

That's just what I could think of off the top of my head. There are far more, and far more obvious examples. I'm also afraid to seek advice. I feel like it will corrupt my artistic vision, or make me self conscious of my progress, as if I were leaving a trail for a teacher to find. "Now we can see Chris going through his phase where he forces words that don't fit simply for the sake of avoiding cliches. 'The burglar's gummy shoes pedaled across the petulent floorboards.' He clearly must have just finished Short Story Writing 203 at the local community college."

It's probably a bad stance, because when I really find a photographer or a teacher I respect, I learn so much. It's just who to listen to? (Who made the rule you can't end in a preposition. I hate that rule.)

Hey, what do you know, it worked! Well, I'll leave you with that. And here's a pic of a nice sunset last week. Enjoy.