Being a daddy is really hard

Carson keepin it real in da hood

Kat will attest that I don't do well without sleep. It's 3:30 am and I'm typing with one hand and holding Carson in the other. He won't sleep. Usually, he won't go to sleep unless we hold him, but we can put him down when he's really out. Now he won't sleep unless Mommy feeds him, but within 5 minutes of lying down, he's up again.

We've tried everything. Normally you just pick him up and he's ok, which is both wonderful and awful. You just can't hold him 24/7. I slept with him on my chest at the hospital, but that's dangerous to do all the time, so how do you get him to sleep? We tried inclining him, putting him in the carseat, letting him sleep between us on a mat, and much more.

Kat is wonderful. She's so patient. But everyone has a limit. She's napping. I finally found a combination that worked to get him to sleep without mommy's breast. I put him in the swing and played hair dryer noise that I bought on itunes really loud. He cried himself out and when he got a second wind I picked him up and rocked him to sleep. So now I'm typing with one hand to the sound if a clothes dryer. We'll see how long it lasts. If I put him down, he'll awaken for sure. Learned that the hard way many times tonight. If I can let Kat get some rest, she'll relieve me.

Even now though, he's so precious. I love him so much and I'm not sure why. Everone tells you when h looks at you, you'll melt, and it's true though in a different way than I thought. Parents have a lot to tell you when you're a new parent, or expecting. The first is that you'll be tired. Thanks, but I knew that already, though I hope not to pull regular all nighters. Second is that you have no idea what you're in for. I resent that really. I think I have a very good idea what I'm in for. It's as though only experience qualifies you for parenthood.

When I speak of my parental philosophies I get this "aw, that's so cute" look, or a laugh of dismisal. I'm always quick to point out that I have worlds to learn. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to be a parent. I don't mind advice, but I do mind condescension. I figure in the end I'll feel vindicated, or incredibly humbled. The question is, when is the end? If I make it to 5 am before tagging in Kat, does that qualify?!