Babies are soft

The first night after Carson was born, we stayed up most of the night, looking at each other. He is (in my completely unbiased opinion) a really cute baby, and has been from day one. I think that helped me build a pretty quick bond with him. But lately it's really grown strong. I am really anamored with the little guy. I think about coming home to him, and I cherish holding him in my arms as I carry him to bed. He gives a little baby sigh as I put him down, and his arms flair out as his head goes down, before returning to "wet rag" status. When he's awake, he's happy a fair amount of the time, and loves to talk to me and smile.

It's nice to see some personality in him. He's definitely my son. Very stubborn already! He's quite restless too, possibly more than most babies. I think maybe he got that from me as well. His hair is starting to come in. It looks like he'll have the dark Harris hair. The changes seem so pronounced, but they're also so slow. Other animals progress so quickly compared to humans. It's ironic how we think they grow up so fast.

Oooh, look. This week he can look at something. This week he can get his hand in his mouth. This week he looks at...his hands! Wow, what a genius baby! I think maybe the reason it seems fast is that, unlike other animals who change physically very fast to go along with their mental development, he looks pretty much the same. Sure, if you look at his newborn pictures, he's nearly doubled in size, but in passing, he appears to be the same package, but there's different stuff happening in there. I think seeing every tiny change is kind of endearing too.

We visited our friends Tina, Damon and their son Alexander this weekend. (All of our friends are naming their kids Alexander. I think we actually know more babies named Alexander than we have friends. Thankfully Kat's sister, in a fit of sensibility to break the trend, named her kid Aleczander. But I digress.) Alex is almost two years old. Oh boy am I looking forward to that stage! They are wonderful parents, and you can really see it in Alex. He's slightly less of a menacing nightmare than other 2 year olds we've known. Do they have military camp for 2 year olds? (no sarcasm, really).

It's amazing how much difference that two years makes. People always talk about how children are cute because they are innocent. I think I always thought people meant that in the sinning sense. I can see why. He's already mischeivous and trying to see how much power he can get from Mommy and Daddy. But now I see it differently. Compared to Carson, Alex knows the word "no" and his feelings get hurt when he chide him.

Now I see innocent almost like the word "soft." Carson is soft - not just his skin, but his whole being. I could put on an angry face and yell at him and he would probably wouldn't think a thing of it. Don't get me wrong, he can pick up on emotion and negativity. But he has no idea of the concept of me being angry with him, or not liking him. He has never been really hurt in a way that makes him withdraw into a shell, which hardens over time.

You see old people that have withdrawn into their shells because they've been hurt, and most of them don't even know they've done it. The grumpy old man yelling "get off my lawn" that doesn't remember what it's like to play. Even the happy smiling grandma that bakes cookies hides little parts of her soul where nobody else can see them, maybe not even her. You can see it in their skin. The furrows of the brow from worrying about how to make ends meet. The deep trenches from the nose to the mouth where tears have fallen over loved ones, as if carved out like a canyon is by a river.

Carson has none of these. He can love without reservation and smile without self-consciousness. His skin is perfect and soft and vulnerable, unable to withstand the harsh sun for even a few minutes. That's so beautiful. Within even just a few months, his skin will start to tan and resist the harmful rays of the sun. He won't even know it's happened. His body will toughen itself as a natural response to harm, which will continue over his whole life. Of all the things I love about him - his coos, the way his head flops around when you sit him up, the way he snuggles into your chest as his protector - I will miss the softness the most. Children are so innocent.